‘Highguard’ Film Adaptation Canceled
Never mind.
From a bush outside of Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, I can now confirm that the legacy studio has canceled a film adaptation of the 2026 video game Highguard after discovering that the game is no longer available. Filmmaker Craig Mazin, who was attached to write and direct, shared his disappointment in the project no longer going forward.
“After putting nearly 1000 hours into Highguard, it was a dream come true to be able to bring my new favorite game world to a broader audience,” Mazin said in his torn-up Una cosplay with tears running down his face. “But it turns out, the game only existed for 1000 hours. So now, not only am I not able to write the movie, but I also can’t even play the game anymore. What the hell am I going to play now? I can’t stomach another minute of The Last of Us.”
Mazin ripped his white-haired wig off and crumbled down to sit on a street curb.
“What the hell are we even doing anymore,” Mazin said, staring into the sky. “We had IP. And now the IP can’t even hold studio interest unless it’s legacy. No new stuff for the masses, just whatever their grandads zoned out on. Cool. That’s cool. Whatever, man. I’m late for my D’n’D meetup.”
Riding high off their 2025 theatrical run, Co-CEOs of Warner Bros. Motion Picture Group, Pam Abdy and Mike De Luca were at ease in their shared office.
“You hate to cancel a project,” De Luca said, while sipping on a $45 smoothie.
“It’s never our first choice,” Abdy replied, while also sipping on a $45 smoothie. “But we get paid either way and a few months from now this is an Ellison problem. We’ll keep the shop clean until the merger is complete, but after that it’s up to the nepo baby.”
At press time Mazin had skipped his D’n’D meetup to try and boot up Highguard on his PC one last time. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Fading Willow.
