Writers’ Room Converted to Linen Closet
Throw in the Towels
From a bush outside Paramount Studios, I can now confirm that ahead of the Paramount-Warner Bros. merger, David Ellison has started converting a writers’ room on the lot into a personal linen closet. Ellison says he’s just getting started.
“What do I need all these writers’ rooms for,” Ellison said during the latest Paramount Skydance earnings call. “These spaces are going to waste. All the Yellowstone and Big Bang Theory people have their rooms. We don’t need any more writers’ rooms filled with odorous writers. What I really need is a giant walk-in linen closet. Filled with my freshly cleaned towels. I’ve got way too many towels at home; all of my linen closets are busting at the seams.”
During the same call, Ellison gave an update on the status of the Paramount-Warner Bros. merger. He also shared that there are no current plans to transform writers’ rooms on the Warner Bros. lot into linen closets.
“I am committed to delivering content to our viewers,” Ellison said as he sniffed a freshly cleaned towel. “But I am even more committed to buying towels. I can’t stop buying towels. I want all the towels. But I can store them all in my big, big house. So, I will need to find a place for them. And what better place than a newly empty writing room? We don’t need a full writers’ room. A miniroom will do. We can stuff a showrunner and one of his friends in a closet somewhere. They’ll be fine in there.”
We tried speaking with anyone who would oppose Ellison but only found green lights with every person we interviewed.
“What’s good for David is good for Hollywood,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom from his office, where he was surrounded by familiar looking stacks of freshly cleaned towels. “And sure, maybe a few writers’ rooms will become linen closets. But think of all the jobs David will create when he hires contractors to convert those writers’ rooms. This is truly a win for California!’
At press time, Ellison considered turning the CNN newsroom into a man cave. The bush I hid in was a Daddy’s Spoils Shrub.
Throw in the Towels