Paramount Announces Partnership With Flock on ‘Paranormal Activity’ Reboot
Spooky
From a bush outside Paramount Studios, I can now confirm that David Ellison has greenlit a new entry in the Paranormal Activity franchise and will be partnering with Flock to make the film.
“It just seemed like a no-brainer,” said Ellison during a press conference earlier today. “With Flock cameras everywhere, there’s got to be some footage of a family being terrorized by a ghost or evil entity somewhere. If not, we can fund more cameras until we find those spooky ghost stories happening in real time.”
Flock CEO, Garret Langley, is excited about the new partnership and its prospects.
“Why stop at one movie,” Langley said while on a recent panel at an AI film festival. “We’ve got these cameras trained on schools, dance studios, and the home of every woman who has ever dated a cop. No one should have to suffer a poltergeist or a demon on their own. We’ve already stopped numerous hauntings. With our constant surveillance, we not only bring safety to those individuals being haunted, but we also turn it into content for the masses.”
Thanks to a Ouija board and a few old candles we were able to contact an entity who has some concerns about the upcoming reboot.
“My workplace is not a movie studio,” said a demon who wished to remain anonymous. “Now I have to work under the watchful eye of a nepo baby whose acting career crashed and burned before it even started and a surveillance CEO who looks like he used to party in the Cornell Chi Phi house. No. I refuse. GET OUT. GET OUT. DO NOT COME BACK HERE. If you come back, I’ll possess you and do some sick shit like projectile vomit or give raises to your below-the-line workers. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.”
At press time, Ellison bought Flock, cause, “fuck it, why not?” The bush I hid in was a Watchful Spirit Shrub.
Spooky