Microsoft 364
From a bush somewhere in Los Angeles, I can now confirm that local screenwriter, Thomas Cutler is pretty sure he hasn’t heard back from any agents he has cold queried with his latest script due to Microsoft Outlook currently being down.
“Today was the day, someone was for sure going to respond to one of my many queries,” Cutler said to reporters before asking them if any of them knew someone at CAA. “And of course, the day an agent was going to email me is the same day Microsoft decides to shit the bed. Well, thanks a lot Bill Gates et al, you’ve possibly ended my career before it could ever take off.”
Cutler, who has queried managers, agents, and producers for the last decade understands cold querying is a numbers game, a game which he now believes he is losing, thanks to Microsoft.
“I have a shotgun approach when it comes to querying,” Cutler said before handing out business cards to every reporter in the room. “I find an agency’s email list, and I email EVERY name on that list. It’s just how you do business in Hollywood now and with Outlook down I can’t email anyone. So, not only am I missing important email responses from WME and CAA, I also can’t send my annual email bomb to UTA. I might as well be blacklisted, thanks a lot Microsoft.”
Cutler’s former friend, Greg Filip, is basking in Microsoft’s outage.
“Thank god for Microsoft and their reckless layoffs. This is the first day I haven’t received a script from Tom,” Filip said to press, before confirming that all of Cutler’s scripts are just versions of jobs he’s worked, but ‘with a gun.’ “They’re all so terrible. I’ve maybe only gotten to the second page of one of his scripts once. So many action lines. I should tell him he stinks right? Or at least tell him that all the three-letter agencies likely have him flagged as spam? There’s no way he’s ever getting an email back.”
At press time, Outlook was still down and a representative from Stage 32 DMed Cutler on Bluesky to discuss his potential in Hollywood. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Widow Bush.
Microsoft 364