TBS Announces Easter 24-Hour Marathon of ‘The Passion of the Christ’
My heart is ready.
From a bush outside of TBS HQ in Atlanta, I can now confirm that the network plans to run a 24-hour marathon of Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ on Easter Sunday. Strapped for programming and cash, TBS’ Head of Programming, Chad Philips, decided to put an old practice to work for a new holiday.
“Everyone gathers around the TV for our A Christmas Story marathon, why not gather around the TV with your family to enjoy Passion,” Philips said at a recent press event while wearing a ‘Passion’ t-shirt. “This is a movie for the whole family, besides the last like thirty to forty minutes. And we bring it to you with limited commercial interruption, thanks to the amazing team at MyPillow.”
Philips then hinted that TBS moving forward would be running similar marathons for each holiday.
“We’ve got a movie for every holiday,” Philips said as he pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper. “Memorial Day? 24-hours of Flags of our Fathers is all you need. Labor Day? Office Space back-to-back-to-back. Juneteenth? Uhh. Uhh. Friday? Yeah yeah yeah. Friday all day.”
Competing networks are getting in on the trend, running their own marathons for the upcoming Easter holiday.
“We’re doing Madagascar 3 all day,” said Randy Thimble, President of Programming at USA. “TBS took the one good Easter movie, and I’m not running that god awful Hop movie. That thing sucks so much ass. And we’ve already got Madagascar 3 in the lineup sooooo, yeah, go watch Madagascar 3 on USA you stupid fucking idiots.”
At press time AMC theaters announced The Passion of the Christ would return to theaters for one day on Easter weekend while also revealing a thorn-crown popcorn bucket. The bush I hid in for this was a Talking Burning Bush.
