Please Help, VHS is Obsolete, Share this on Reddit so I can Kill Again
You have seven days.
Hi everyone, it’s me, little Samara Morgan. You may remember me from hits like, the VHS tape your friend told you about, or that VHS tape you found at a crime scene, or even my sleeper hit, that VHS tape that’s stuck in the VCR. I come to you with a request, dear reader. I need you to share this post on Reddit, cause if you don’t my story will fade from memory, oh and I’ll have to kill you in seven days.
It used to be easy. Folks would put one of my tapes into a VCR, watch me fall into a well, I’d ring them up on the telephone and let them know that they had seven days. I kept it vague of course. Like yes, I like getting my story out there, but I also really like killing. Some folks were smart and made copies of my tape, others were not, and for that I rearranged their faces. I look back at this era of physical media fondly.
VHS gave way to DVD, which then became HD DVD and BluRay. I’m somewhat of a VHS purist, but if some dumb journalist made a DVD-R of my tape, they did technically follow the rules, so I spared them. But then something happened that I could never foresee (even though I’m psychic or whatever). Disc drives started disappearing. First, they took them from laptops and personal computers. Then the actual DVD and Blu-Ray players vanished. Now you can even get a PlayStation or Xbox without a disc drive. With all the rampant downgrades, the worst possible outcome came to fruition. I became lost media.
There are still a few hipsters with VHS/DVD player combos that would watch my video from time to time. Yet this generation of cursed-tape viewers brought on a whole new challenge. They don’t answer their phones and believe me; I was aggressive about it. I tried one of these douche wallets for three hours. I thought, “Is the ringing of the phone not driving him mad?” It turns out the phones just vibrate now. Even worse, folks would only answer text messages. So, I’d text, “Seven Days. You Have Seven Days,” but it just doesn’t have the same horrific vibe as talking on the phone or leaving a voicemail (Empty your voicemailbox, kids).
So, surrounded by dying media, I turn to the deadest of media, the written word. Please dear reader, hear my call. Share this on Reddit. Share it on Facebook. Hell, you can even share it on LinkedIn, if you feel so inclined. Think about how many Redditors I can kill, who fail to share my story. Find it in your heart to spread my words. Don’t pussy out on that share button either.
You have seven days to share this. Please click play below.
