Matt Damon Explains Netflix Policy for Audiences’ Low Attention - Wait Where the Fuck Are You Going? Come Back and Click the Link
You fucking idiot, pay attention.
No time to do my cute bush line, if we don’t focus up, you’re going to open another tab or get distracted by a passing car. Matt Damon recently sat down to explain how Netflix plans movies for audiences’ short attention span. Wait, don’t start a YouTube video. You don’t need background noise to read a news article. Focus up. This is super serious.
“Yeah, I guess Ted and Netflix think that audiences are pretty distracted,” Damon said, nodding his head in agreement with the sentiment. “I just want to make movies for people paying attention, but no, we’ve got to repeat ourselves multiple times for the dumb fucks in the room.”
Are you serious? That email couldn’t have waited until you were done reading this? This isn’t long. You get a thesis paragraph, three quotes and a conclusion. I mean come on. This is a three-minute read, if that.
Where was I? Oh yeah. So, Damon spoke pretty candidly about audiences and their attention span at some event recently. He speculated that it would take drastic measures to grab audiences’ undivided attention.
“What’s a guy gotta do to get your undivided attention? Do I gotta start dropping f slurs in movies again,” Damon said to an interviewer who looked away to check their phone. “Goldfish. You’re all fucking goldfish.”
Wordle? You’re doing Wordle right now? Fuck you. Today’s Wordle is ‘WAXEN’ you fucking asshole. I’m going to get back to the piece now.
Netflix Co-CEO, Ted… You know what? Never mind.
You’re just a rat in a maze, chasing your cheese. If you barely give your attention to a kick-ass Damon-Affleck flick, what hope do I have for this article, or any written word for that matter. You are not here. You are not in the moment. You are chasing the promise of some other moment, and if you ever caught that other moment you would just start to pursue another. You will never be happy and that makes me sad for you.
At press time Damon contemplated hanging dong in his next movie, in hopes that you would notice (but you won’t). The bush I hid in for this story was a Rose Bush.
