A24 Signs Kane Parsons in Deal Worth 50 Boxes of Fudge Rounds, PlayStation 5
A24 is also throwing in gas money.
From a bush outside of A24 HQ in New York, I can now confirm that A24 has signed 21-year-old Kane Parsons to a three-year first-look deal, and all it cost them was fifty boxes of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds and a Sony PlayStation 5.
“We had the checkbook out and were ready to offer him the shirts off our backs,” recalled A24 co-founder and CEO, Daniel Katz in a press conference earlier this morning. “That’s when Kane walked in with a slip of paper and slid it face down across my desk. I picked it up and saw a list of snake cakes and a video game console. I thought this must truly be a joke, but no. He was one-hundred percent serious. Thank goodness, too. We’re a bit over our skis financially with all this AI stuff.”
We caught up with Parsons, who was over the moon about his first-look deal.
“Do you know how long 50 boxes of Fudge Rounds would last me,” Parsons said before concluding that he could easily still be working through the snack cakes in 2028. “I was really nervous about asking for all that. I originally had one hundred boxes of Fudge Rounds and a PlayStation 5 with a disc drive, but I thought it would scare them away. So, I halved that number and changed the PlayStation 5 to the discless version. I guess you could call me a master negotiator.”
As the day went on, Parsons began to sing a different tune about his deal.
“I think I really messed up you guys,” Parsons wrote on Twitter. “I think A24 got one up on me in this deal. I didn’t ask for a PlayStation controller or specify that I wanted the BIG Fudge Rounds. They’re not going to get me a controller and get me the small Fudge Rounds, aren’t they? Fuck. Damn it Kane, why didn’t you write big on that slip? You fool.”
At press time, Katz sent his assistant to Stop & Go to purchase fifty store brand boxes of Fudge Rounds. The bush I hid in for this piece was a Cosmic Bush.
