Struggling Unreliable Narrator Books Prescription Drug Ad
Yo ho ho it’s magic.
From a bush outside of Sherman Oaks, I can now confirm that a long out of work disembodied voice, The Unreliable Narrator, has landed a role in the latest Ozempic ad. I caught up with the voice, who was celebrating its new job, with friends at a local bar.
“I thought I was never going to work again,” the unreliable voice said before making gulping noises, to mime the drinking of a beer. “I’m a bit embarrassed honestly. I mean, I’ve done movies and TV my whole life. I’m appreciative of the job, it’s just, TV ads feel so below me. I’m not an up-and-coming voice. I’m a star. The voice of a generation.”
A few more “gulps” of beer later and the voice started to tell its true colors.
“I have to list off the side-effects of this shit shot,” the disgruntled voice said between hiccups. “What’s unreliable about that? Any voice can do that job. My job as an unreliable narrator is to create an air of mistrust and uncertainty. I can’t do that when I’m telling you everything and shining a spotlight on the red flags. I should have stuck to my morals and said no to this job. I’m a fucking joke.”
We assume the voice passed out after this, due to the loud snoring. We caught up with the voice’s longtime friend, The Voice of Reason, to see how they felt about The Unreliable Narrator’s new role.
“They’re full of shit,” The Voice of Reason said before pausing to talk a nearby bar patron out of another round of drinks. “They’re not narrating for Ozempic, they’re interning in Austin as Joe Rogan’s inner monologue. They’re just too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. They haven’t been struggling at all. They’ve been fine this entire time. You really bought that lie? Maybe you guys should stop reporting everything they say and focus on the actual news, you clickbait sluts.”
At press time, The Voice of Reason convinced us to stop chasing sensationalized headlines. The bush I hid in for this piece was a Vocal Juniper.
