Lone Marketer for Apple TV Awakens from Six-Year Coma
Plans to immediately return to the office once she can operate her limbs.
From a bush outside of San Jose, I can now confirm that the lone member of Apple TV’s marketing team awoke from a six-year coma. Natalie Huttington awoke in her hospital bed earlier this week and immediately started playing catch up with everything the streamer had been through since 2020.
“Please tell me. Did Ted Lasso take off,” Huttington asked surrounding friends and family, who could only muster, “Ted who,” before promising her that work could wait. “You know, Ted Lasso. He was in a commercial for soccer, and we thought he would make a great TV character. Do none of you watch Apple TV+?”
Huttington’s loved ones stood in silence, hoping not to anger her. She quickly demanded a phone from one of her cousins.
“Why don’t you have the Apple TV+ app,” Huntington asked her cousin, before walking him through installing the app and creating an account. “Wait a minute. Where’s the plus? They got rid of the plus. How do you get rid of the plus? And how are there three seasons of Ted Lasso and none of you in this room have watched it? Someone should have been marketing these shows. Why weren’t these marketed? And what the hell is Severance?”
Huttington’s cousin, Tony Smit, took charge and defended his family and friends from the verbal assault.
“Now just you hold on. First off, everyone in here was worried about you and waited for the day when you would return to us,” Smit said, pushing back tears. “Second. Who do you think was marketing Apple TV shows to us while you were asleep, Nat? Do you think Apple just has money growing on trees and can hire more marketers whenever they want? That coma really did a number on you. Didn’t it, cousin.”
At press time Huttington had regained the ability to wiggle her pinky enough to press play on her phone, to watch the pilot episode of Severance. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an Appleberry Bush.
