‘The Devil Wears Prada 2’ Inspires Millions of Little Girls to Grow up to Fat Shame Size 4s
That’s all.
From a bush outside the Accademia di Brera in Milan, I can now confirm that The Devil Wears Prada 2, the follow-up to the iconic film that inspired millions of young women to quit the jobs that could have launched their dream careers because their insecure boyfriends were whining about it, is prompting little girls around the world to aspire to fat shame their friends.
“I used to want to grow up to cure cancer,” said Hannah Freeman, age 15. “But after seeing how skinny Anne Hathaway is, and how skinny Emily Blunt is, all I really want is to be skinny forever and help other girls be skinny, too. And that really feels like a full-time job. My mom is constantly saying she would work out more if she weren’t so busy being a lawyer.”
“I watched that classic Devil Wears Prada before because my mom really liked that movie, and it was just so amazing how Anne Hathaway dropped from a size 6 to a size 2, and I was like, ‘You know what? I bet with the right words, I could inspire Kayla in my Geometry class to get really skinny, too.’ Also, I’m not sure why my mom was watching that movie instead of working out when she wasn’t lawyering.”
Freeman isn’t alone.
Dani Clark, age 14, has already amassed 40 followers on her TikTok channel. A standout in a world where most influencers perform popular dances to hit songs, Clark offers tips for how to make your peers cry because of how they look.
“All they need is a little push,” Clark explained. “They can also be, like, really, really skinny. And that’s basically the same as hot. Like, I pushed Saffron during gym two months ago. Not because she needs to lose weight. Because she was trying to pull my boyfriend. You know. Like.”
“You know what’s crazy?” said Harper Kagan, 16, who gave her title as “the most popular girl in 11th grade at Thomas Jefferson High School.” “I was doing a project for history class, and I saw that Abercrombie & Fitch used to be all about body negativity. I thought Wow, that’s really cool. They don’t make clothes like that today. You know, clothes that only, like, size 0s can fit into? The olden days seemed really cool. Simpler times. Anyways, this movie slaps.”
At press time, Saffron Gold has started dating Clark’s boyfriend and is running a competing TikTok channel focused on body positivity. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a naturally thin Arborvitae.
