Grok to Pen Script
From a bush outside of Paramount Pictures (a Skydance Corporation) lot, I can now confirm that following his $1-billion investment in Skydance, Elon Musk has been cast in the upcoming Transformers film. Skydance is also confirming that Musk’s Tesla Cybertruck will be making it’s Transformers debut as multiple Autobots and Decepticons.
‘We’re excited to have Elon on board,” Skydance CEO David Ellison said before returning to Papa Larry Ellison’s teat. “Elon and Transformers is a match made in heaven. He’s everyone’s favorite tech billionaire. He’ll fit right in with Optimus Prime, Bumble Bee and all the other robots who also have names.”
Skydance is so committed to Musk’s vision for the future of the franchise, they’ve fired screenwriter, Jason Fuchs, and given all creative power to Grok. Elon is really excited about his latest Hollywood film.
“I love the Transformers, even though they’re woke and wrong about humanity,” Musk said during a press conference while jumping around like a dipshit. “Grok has already created a 200-page epic about the Transformers and Decepticons coming together to obliterate humanity once and for all. Give Grok a day or two and it will make the whole film. Oh, and all the Transformers really like Cybertrucks, so they all take the form of Cybertrucks, cause that’s pretty badass. We’re gonna slay at the box office. Michael Bay who?”
Michael Bay, who directed the majority of the films in the series, was in negotiations to return to direct the latest film but has now distanced himself from the franchise.
“Look, I phoned it in for [Transformers:] The Last Knight, but this is ridiculous,” Bay said before asking if we had a spare car that he could ‘blow up for fun.’ “Look, I make movies filled with mindless explosions, but at least that shit is fun and really bad ass. This? This is just pathetic.”
At press time, Skydance confirmed the new Transformers movie would reportedly cost $1 billion to produce. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an X Shrub.
Gro to Pen Script.