Shark Week Producers Announce Casting Call for 'Live Bait #2'
Open waters.
From a bush outside of Los Angeles, I can now confirm that the producers of Discovery Channel's Shark Week are holding casting calls for the role of 'Live Bait #2' and many are optimistic about their chances in this exciting new role.
"I just knew it was a good sign when the casting agent gagged and asked why I smelled like death," said local actor Don Kim, who lives in the same bush I'm reporting from. "But it was far from easy, to be honest, the audition started off poorly when I began my 10 minute sea lion impression in the wrong office. But, after bouncing on my belly 3 doors down to the audition room, I immediately caught their attention. Heck, they nearly jumped out of their seats when I roared and thrusted full force into their desk. I've never felt so alive. I just know I nailed it."
With many auditions seeming hopeful, Discovery Channel's casting department has reported an unusual difficulty in picking the right person for 'Live Bait #2'.
"It's always a hard decision," says head casting agent Gill Thompson. "I mean who do you even choose, the man who reeks of fish, the woman who can't swim, or the guy with no immediate family. Anyone can look good, flopping around in a room of auditors, but that doesn’t always translate to actually flailing around in the ocean for hours on end. These are the important things you have to consider when you are openly using struggling actors to feed sharks. Choosing the wrong one could be a life or death situation for the network!"
Talent agencies across the state are eagerly jumping at the opportunity to book some of their actors for this coveted entry level role.
"I immediately recommended all my worst actors for this," said Don Kim's talent agent Kathy Simmons, over the phone. "It’s a hot ticket role and a great way to clear some dead weight off our client list. The problem is that every agent here is also putting up their worst clients. That’s hundreds of agents putting up hundreds of clients for this one role. So now I have to try to convince the biggest media company in the world that somehow one of my four clients is better at being devoured than somebody else’s. It’s crazy, If only they could all be cast.”
At press time, Discovery expanded their search to fill roles for 'Live Bait #3-400' in what Hollywood promises to be, the most sharks ever to feature in Shark Week history. The bush I hid in for this scoop is rent controlled and I plan to move in come August.
