Local Mom Sues Angine de Poitrine Over Alleged Stolen Bed Sheets
“They’re ruining my bed ware.”
From a bush somewhere in the French part of Canada, I can now confirm that Quebec experimental rock band, Angine de Poitrine, is in legal hot water with a local mom who claims they stole her bed sheets. Dina Tremblay alleges the band stole her sheets while they were drying in her yard and have been parading around in them for the last few years.
“You think I don’t recognize my bed ware trouncing around the True North,” Tremblay said to reporters while hanging up her laundry in her yard. “Those Poitrine brothers were always causing trouble around this neighborhood with their loud music and loitering. Now you can add theft under $5,000 to that growing list.”
Tremblay is seeking damages for the stolen sheets and for the trauma the alleged crime has caused her.
“I had to go buy new sheets,” Tremblay said before scolding a member of the press for having his shirt untucked. “My old sheets get to go on a world tour, and I’m stuck in line at Simon’s, buying new sheets. I have the right mind to sue them for the gasoline to make the trip.
I caught up with Khn de Poitrine and Klek de Poitrine, who started chanting at me in what I could only assume to be French, before holding up their hands in a triangle shape. Thankfully, their lawyer, John Bouchard, was there to translate.
“Khn and Klek did not steal these sheets from Ms. Tremblay,” Bouchard said before Khn and Klek started bickering back and forth. “They did adopt the characters of Khn and Klek to annoy her though. Playing their music loudly and loitering on her street was simply not enough to torture her anymore. She is an annoying boomer, and they are not surprised someone would steal her sheets. She had it coming and my clients hope more of her sheets disappear.”
At press time Khn and Klek announced a new vinyl record that numerous idiots would overpay for. The bus I hid in for this scoop was a Triangle Juniper.
