Adam Sandler Removes Rob Schneider from Emergency Contact List
Schneider’s return for ‘Grown Ups 3’ is now at stake.
From a bush somewhere outside of Adam Sandler’s many homes (all paid for by Netflix), I can now confirm that the comedic actor has removed longtime friend, Ron Schneider, from his emergency contact list. Sandler confirmed the removal, during a friendly one-on-one basketball game that I was not dressed for.
“Sometimes you just outgrow your friends,” Sandler said as I tripped over my trench coat (he thinks he juked me out, but he did not.) “Me and Robbie have had a good run, but he was just a backup, just in case Jackie [Sandler] couldn’t be reached for some reason. Now with my kids all grown up, I’ve got emergency contacts coming out of the wazzu. He’s busy anyway. I don’t want to bother him anymore with my stuff.”
Asked if he was removing Schneider due to recent comments to the press, Sandler seemed indifferent to his friend’s inclinations.
“I don’t really keep up with everything Robbie and my other comedy buddies have been up to,” Sandler said before calling a foul on me, that was very obviously a charge against him. “The only comedy buddy I’ve really talked to lately is Norm [Macdonald], and he’s been dead for five years. I’m so busy making movies with all my basketball friends and my daughters, I don’t really have time to keep up with everyone. I hope Robbie is doing okay.”
I caught up with Schneider after totally schooling Sandler on the blacktop. Schneider wasn’t very interested in gabbing about his former SNL castmate.
“Okay, look, if we enforce some type of required two-years of military service, that will fix everything,” Schneider said while wearing some stupid hat. “It’ll get our abysmal recruiting numbers up. It will also get Sadie and Sunny [Sandler] out of the picture for a few years. Then Adam will have no choice but to cast me and reinstate me as one of his emergency contacts. It’s the perfect plan! Grown Ups 3 here I come!”
At press time Schneider attended an open mic night to air his grievances about Bad Bunny being featured prominently in Happy Gilmore 2. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Chalamet Spruce.
