Chappell Roan Sets Guinness World Record for the Most Make-A-Wish Foundation Wishes Left on Read
“I am not a genie.”
From a bush outside of their headquarters in London, I can now confirm that Chappell Roan has set a new Guinness World Record for the most Make-A-Wish foundation wishes left on read. I caught up with Craig Glenday, Editor-In-Chief of the publication, to discuss this incredibly sad feat.
“With Chappell Roan reading but not answering a Make-A-Wish request from a 6-year-old girl today from Phoenix, Arizona with bone cancer, she has officially broken the record, bringing her total to 179,856 seen but unanswered wishes” Glenday said with a single tear running down his cheek. “I thought everyone was exaggerating how mean she was, but when I met her earlier today, to verify her record, she had one of her security guards’ axe-kick me off the sidewalk. I tried to explain that I was with Guinness World Records, but that didn’t seem to matter to Chappell. She told me that I was lucky her security guard didn’t have his brass knuckles on him today. Oh god is that a red dot on my chest? I’ve said too much! She has snipers everywhere!”
Later that day I met up with Leslie Motter, President and CEO of the Make-A-Wish foundation, to get their comment on Roan’s newly set world record.
“Chappell breaking that record is such an incredible accomplishment and it couldn’t have happened to a better person” Motter said before playing ‘Pink Pony Club’ on full volume. “She has this place bugged. Last week one of our kids with cystic fibrosis went missing after talking about how disappointed she was that Chappell opened her Make-A-Wish message but never responded. A trail of glitter leading from her room to the front door was all that was left. Then, the week before that, a boy with advanced congestive heart failure woke up with two broken knees after accidentally skipping ‘HOT TO GO’ on our Spotify jam the previous night.”
Roan took to Bluesky the following day and posted a video proudly addressing her new record.
“Setting this record has easily become the highpoint of my career,” Roan said before standing up to push her assistant out of frame. “My Grammy, my multiple BRIT awards, my VMA award, my Billboard music award, my BMI pop award, what was I saying again? Oh yes that’s right, those awards don’t even compare to this achievement. Knowing that I have the power to change the life of a terminally ill child and then choosing not to is the reason I became a celebrity in the first place. If you’re looking for someone to grant wishes, you need a genie. Not a pop star.”
At press time, Roan was reportedly seen entering a children’s hospital holding a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Rose Bush.
