Gill-Man Arrested for Alleged Reflecting Pool Terrorism
Still not easy being green.
From a bush on the National Mall, I can now confirm that the creature from the black lagoon, known as Gill-man, was arrested by police earlier this week after allegedly damaging the reflecting pool and causing the algae bloom. Gill-man is currently facing terrorism charges.
“Did my client cause the algae in the reflecting pool? Absolutely not,” said Gill-man’s attorney, Greg Cresswell during a press conference this morning. “He may have killed some tourists around the monument, but that’s not terrorism, that’s just regular old murder.”
Cresswell claims Gill-Man’s arrest has left him dry and stressed.
“My client was visiting our nation’s capital on vacation, and now he’s locked away in a dark cell, gasping for water,” Cresswell said bombastically. “We’re going to fight these charges all the way up to the Supreme Court. From Megalodon to the Amphibian Man, no aquatic movie monster should be afraid to wade through the waters of Washington D.C. Yeah, of course the alleged murders are bad, but how bad they are is up to a jury of my client’s peers. Not the President of the United States.”
Mr. Trump took to Truth Social to denounce Gill-Man and demand speedy justice for the reflecting pool.
“Creature from the Black Lagoon. Nasty place. Nasty place full of nasty fish-people,” Trump posted between mid-day naps. “Razor nails, cutting up our beautiful Reflecting Pool. Effective immediately, this is an act of TERROR. We will drain the pool and return it to glory. Pool justice will be swift. God bless America. President DONALD J. TRUMP.”
At press time, the Amphibian Man posted a YouTube video in support of Gill-man. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Floating Crystalwort.
