Great Starter Club
From a bush somewhere in Austin, Texas, I can now confirm that the Comedy Mothership is on the market. I caught up with the realtor in charge of the listing to get the full details.
“This historic theater is priced to sell,” said Coldwell Banker Realtor, Bianca Gliss, as we walked through a hall decorated with framed photos of comedians and Joe Rogan. “It’s the perfect starter club for any millionaire comedian just starting out. It has two stages, an already established fandom that is guaranteed to laugh at any slur disguised as a punchline, and Tony Hinchcliffe lives in the ventilation system. If you listen closely, you may hear him whimpering. Just don’t bring up the Netflix special. That really gets him going.”
Like most real estate property, the Comedy Mothership does come with some “charm.”
“So, not for a lack of trying but we can’t clean that shit smell out of the green room,” Bliss admitted before tossing a throw pillow over some unidentified stain. “But if I’m being honest, I think that’s an authentic comedian experience. The smell, the stains, and the unsafe feeling from being alone with a comedian are all a part of the package.”
Rogan shared the reason for the move on this week’s episode of The Joe Rogan Experience.
“Texas is getting crazy, man,” Rogan said during the episode which featured Duncan Trussell dressed up like a funnel cake for some reason. “It’s just getting to the point where I can’t do what I do here and feel safe doing it. You know where I can do my thing? Tallahassee. You thought Texas was a comedy mecha, just wait till you see what we do in Florida.”
At press time, the worst person at every open mic announced they were moving to Tallahassee. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Hack Juniper.
Great Starter Club