Ghostface Fired from ‘Scream 8’ Amid Alleged Support of Ms. Rachel
Tolerance not tolerated in Woodsboro.
From a plastic bush on a back patio in Woodsboro, California, I can now confirm that beloved Gen X meta slasher Ghostface has been dropped from the next installment of the long-running Scream franchise. The firing took place shortly after it was reported that the killer’s official Instagram account shared a controversial post from popular child educator and content creator, Ms. Rachel. I had an opportunity to sit down with the oft-mimicked menace, who offered an interesting perspective on the ordeal.
@msrachelforlittles Can’t we all agree in this life not to kill children?
“I may be a murderer, but I’m not a monster. I hate that the idea of wanting to see children safe, cared for, and alive is controversial these days” Ghostface murmured through their iconic voice modulator. “I think Ms. Rachel is right on the money and I’m not ashamed to admit that our views on this matter are aligned. Honestly, if kids don’t make it to their teen years, I wouldn’t have anyone left to kill.”
Ms. Rachel made a statement about the firing of Ghostface in her latest YouTube video.
“Okay children, go ahead and close your ears so I can talk to your adults really quick. Are they closed,” Ms. Rachel asked the camera, which nodded its head, indicating that all littles’ ears were in fact covered. “Alright, listen up, fuckos. Kids are the most important thing. We need to protect them from these monsters. Don’t lose the plot. Melissa Barrera and Ghostface were fired by diddlers, who take orders from other diddlers. Thank you Ghostface, for being on the right side of history! Knock off the teen killing though, they’re kids too. Even the bad ones.”
With Ghostface out, it begs the question: what does the future have in store for the cash-cow Scream film series? While losing a long-standing character is certainly a setback, Paramount Skydance CEO David Ellison assured us it’s by no means the last time we’ll see that iconic Fun World mask on the silver screen.
“Right now, we’re trying to recast the role, something that we’ve never done in the now three decade old IP,” Ellison said before confirming that the current front-runner to replace the slasher is bird-like comedian and host of Last Week Tonight, the "villainous" John Oliver. “The torch needs to be passed as soon as possible. With the new Warner Brothers merger on the horizon and our commitment to thirty theatrical releases a year, we were hoping new Scream entries would fill about half of our yearly deliverable quota.”
At press time Paramount announced three more Scream sequels and declared they would find a new villain at some point in the near future. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Bloody Willow.
