Bill Lawrence Spotted Slipping Eight New Comedy Pilots into Tim Cook’s Mailbox
He’s gonna need a bigger mailbox.
From a bush outside of Tim Cook’s 500,000 square foot mansion in La Quinta California, I can now confirm that Bill Lawrence was spotted slipping eight new comedy pilots into the Apple CEO’s mailbox, earlier this week.
“I get that I keep pumping groundbreaking pilots out faster than I can pitch them but the least he could do is answer my calls” Lawrence said to himself while trying to find room in Cook’s mailbox between the death threats from the Federal Trade Commission. “I’m not sure why he hasn’t had a spare house key cut for me at this point so I can leave my pilots directly on his desk because let’s be honest, everything I touch turns to gold. Steve Carrell even said that the Rooster pilot was one of the best comedy pilots he had ever read and that’s only because he hasn’t read these ones yet.”
Mid drop off, Lawrence paused what he was doing to furiously write something down into his tattered notebook and call his creative partner, Brett Goldstein.
“Brett, I just came up with an idea for a brand brand new comedy pilot!” Lawrence said while jumping up and down excitedly. “Okay, so picture thi— yes, I’m at his mailbox again, why? Eight this time. Yes, I understand that we still have to shoot the rest of season 4 of Ted Lasso, shoot the rest of season 4 of Shrinking, and finish the last stages of editing for the Scrubs revival, plus I need to finish shooting season 2 of Bad Monkey, but I’m sorry I can’t just turn off this fountain of revolutionary ideas.”
Lawrence hung up his phone and quickly walked towards his neon green Nissan Cube, which notably had a ‘Support Executive Producers’ bumper sticker proudly displayed on it.
“Brett doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It’s not my fault that I always, at all times, without question, come up with exceptional ideas for new TV comedies.” Lawrence said into an audio recorder, while making direct eye contact with himself in the rearview mirror. “And in the time that it took me to say that I’ve come up with two more ideas. God I’m the best.”
At press time, Lawrence was seen placing a fresh stack of comedy pilots under Jeff Bezos’ windshield wiper. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a California Spicebush.
