Tilly Norwood Missing, Last Seen Somewhere on Flash Drive
#WhereIsTilly
From a bush outside of FBI headquarters, I can now confirm that Tilly Norwood, the future of acting in Hollywood, has been reported missing. FBI Director and energy drink endorser, Kash Patel, announced that he would lead the effort to find Norwood on this week’s episode of the Joe Rogan Experience.
“We are doing everything we can to find Tilly,” Patel said before hitting a blunt. “It’s a good thing those nerds at Xicoia had the right mind to develop her to look like a cute young white girl. We’ve got the backing of all departments, the media, and America. I’m going to personally find Tilly myself and bring her home. Now watch me shotgun this Miller Highlife.”
After a few more beers, Patel began to overshare more details in his ongoing investigation.
“Those idiots at the AI company saved her on a flash drive and lost it, and of course they didn’t back up their save,” Patel said before snorting a line of cocaine mixed with creatine off Rogan’s bald head. “So, what I need everyone listening to do right now is to turn out their pockets and see if a little black, four gig flash drive falls out. If it does, you’re the thief and I’m going to catch you, so you might as well turn yourself in. Now, where’s the H?”
Patel ‘nodded out’ a few minutes later into the episode, leaving Rogan alone with Jaime and his thoughts.
“You know man, I think this is right up there with Sharon Tate and everything that happened to her,” Rogan said before delivering a joke that sent every conscience person in the room into a ‘seal clapping’ rage. “It just sucks that Hollywood keep’s losing this young talent right as they’re taking off. I don’t think they’ll ever rebound from this one.”
At press time Patel was still napping in the podcast studio. At one point, Patel’s limbs shook violently, as if he were chasing a suspect in his dream. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Flaky Juniper.
