‘Family Feud’ Added to 2028 Los Angeles Olympics
Will replace Field Hockey.
From a bush outside of IOC HQ, I can now confirm that following the news that Ninja Warrior would be joining the 2028 Los Angeles Olympic Games, IOC President, Kirsty Coventry also announced that beloved game show Family Feud would be joining the 2028 games as a sport. Coventry spoke on the new additions in a press conference earlier this week.
“We’ve got a lot of really boring sports we need to just let die,” Coventry said with stacks of money protruding from her suit jacket pocket. “I can’t even spell equestrian, so I’m sure as hell not going to force you all to watch it. And field hockey? Please. The most exciting thing about hockey is the ice. I don’t want to watch you play hockey on a field with a puny little baby stick. Ninja Warrior and Family Feud are the shots in the arm the Olympics need to keep on thriving.”
Coventry then went into long detail about the process of adding these new sports for the 2028 Olympics.
“It involves a lot of money,” Coventry said as multiple stacks of cash fell from her pockets onto the press stage floor. “Of course, Family Feud needs to have a recognized international federation and anti-doping policies and blah blah blah. But let’s be honest, all that matters is that the sport is fun to watch. Some of my favorite sporting events in the last decade have been attending multiple tapings of Family Feud. I was on the edge of my seat as Steve read off the surveys given to 100 Americans. Man, I don’t know who is dumber, the surveyed Americans or the families who are feuding.”
Officials from eliminated sports are not taking the news well. Especially, Equestrian Worlds Organization President, Tammy Willow.
“We are going to fight this thing,” Willow said, while wearing a “Horse Mom” t-shirt. “Equestrianism has a long history with the Olympics. Sure, we’re the lowest-rated sport every four years, but we wear that as a badge of honor. Not everyone gets it and that’s okay. Our sport is for a privileged few to enjoy, and we like it that way. If it’s more money the IOC wants, then it is more money the IOC will get.”
At press time, Rob Lowe had entered IOC HQ to pitch The Floor as a hot new Olympic Sport. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Number One Answer Shrub.
