Jelly Roll Honors Dolly Parton by Dying
RIP Dolly.
From a bush outside of Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, I can now confirm that following the passing of Dolly Parton, country singer Jelly Roll honored the late country queen by dying, earlier today.
“There was no talking him out of it. Once Jason has his might set on something,” said Post Malone, longtime friend of Jelly Roll and fellow country music vulture. “I tried to talk him back into country music with a tribute song or something for Dolly, but he was dead set on being dead. Can’t lie, I miss the guy, but it was a genius idea. No better way to honor someone than to die for them. Yo, should I kill myself too?”
Modern country stars across the country are pondering following in Jelly Roll’s footsteps.
“This will make people like as much as Dolly, right,” said Stella Lefty as she turned on an oven and stuck her head. “We really did lose an icon. And now we’re losing another one. Maybe this will finally put Boston to the top of the charts over that dogshit Choosin’ Texas song.”
Fans of country music are celebrating the stars who are paying tribute to Dolly by following her to the grave.
“Wow, thank you, Dolly. In death, you are taking the trash out with you. You really are the queen,” said Anthony Fantano, YouTube music critic, and country music savant. “Now if Morgan Wallen and Jesse Welles would hurry up and pay tribute, we’d really be talking then.
At press time, Florida Georgia Line announced a reunion tour that would end with their deaths. The bush I hid in for this piece was a Darleen Beautyberry.
RIP Dolly.