Downtrodden J.J. Abrams Moves Back to Hometown to Run Family Production Company
Back to where it all started
From a bush somewhere in New York City, I can now confirm that famed filmmaker, J.J. Abrams, has moved back into his childhood manor after being hit by a stretch of bad luck in Los Angeles. We took a tour of the manor with Abrams as he discussed his intentions to settle back in and take over the family production company.
“Hard to believe all the butlers and maids are still here,” Abrams said, as he ran his finger along a dustless banister. “So, I’ve decided to take a break from Bad Robot and will be dusting off Cypress Point Productions. I found a box of dad’s old things that he moved back here before dying, so I figured I should really pick up where he left off.”
Abrams wandered the halls aimlessly, taking in the quietness and reflecting on the last few years.
“I just really needed a break from running my own production company,” Abrams said before smashing a Bad Robot action figure into tiny pieces. “I’m going to hang out here and reconnect with my roots and there’s no better way to do that than run the family production company. It’s like I’m 20 all over again.”
Not all are happy about Abram’s return. Longtime assistant to Gerald W. Abrams, and an old flame of J.J.’s, Maureen Smit, is pessimistic about reconnecting with the filmmaker.
“I’ve moved on and started my own family and production company,” Smit said, as she hid an old, framed photo of her and J.J. on set. “He turned his back on us and indie films when he moved to the other side of the country to make mainstream crap. I’ll be nice and say hello, but J needs to realize I am happy here without him. If he’s here to try and rekindle the flame, it’s not going to happen. I refuse to be hurt by him again.”
At press time Abrams and Smit were spotted at Best Bagel and Coffee, laughing and smiling. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Flare Bush.
