BOX OFFICE REPORT: Viewers Already Knew What You Did Last Summer
We know what you did. We ALL know.
Editor’s Note: This scoop originally appeared on The Hollywood Time$ Substack on July 21, 2025
From a bush outside of my local movie theater, I can now confirm that viewers were not feeling the horror remake, I Know What You Did Last Summer, after realizing they already knew what the film’s protagonist did last summer, thanks to previous films in the series.
“We get it lady. You killed a guy,” said Garret Payne, a moviegoer returning to see F1: The Movie for the fifth time in the theater, this time while wearing a racing headset. “Who of us hasn’t slain a member of the community while drinking with friends and doing car pranks? Get over it, lady. It is just oversharing at this point.”
Many moviegoers interviewed cited a disinterest in returning to another legacy horror franchise.
“I refuse to watch a half-assed remake,” said Wilma Gould, a moviegoer who went on to state that she was excited for her second viewing of Lilo & Stitch. “If they wanted me to see this horror slop, maybe they should have made it animated or something.”
Tipping its hooded cap at third in the box office this weekend, I Know What You Did Last Summer did well with younger audience members who did not see the original because they would have to borrow the DVD from their dad, who they’re not currently talking to.
“I was aware of the original movies,” said Tom Getty, a twenty-something who had just exited the movie and had left his father on read. “I do not normally do remakes. In the past if I knew a remake was coming out, I would just watch the original instead. I could not find the original on any streamers I had, which meant my only other option was borrowing a copy of the DVD from my dad, but I am not talking to that jerk. You know, someone raises you, and you think the world of them. You think they can do no wrong. Then you get older and realize they are flawed, despicable little people. Yeah, so I saw this remake. It was alright. It needed more Jennifer Love Hewitt.”
At press time Getty had reportedly responded “k” to his father’s long apology text, starting the mending process for their relationship.
The bush I hid in for this story was a Japanese Holly.
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