Jay Leno Struck and Killed By Auto-Transporter and All 8 Cars on Auto-Transporter
Death finally gets its man.
Editor’s Note: This scoop originally appeared on The Hollywood Time$ Substack on July 28, 2025
From a bush outside of Jay Leno’s personal garage, I can now confirm that the longtime late-night host died in a horrific accident involving an auto-transporter truck and all eight vehicles the truck was transporting at the time. Leno was screaming into the void about the state of late-night shows to any passersby who would listen when the incident occurred.
“These late-night guys, they are just too political. People just want to sit down at night and hear hilarious and topical jokes,” Leno said curb side, before delivering a dated Monica Lewinsky joke. “Stop jabbing at the president and this administration and start punching down. It is quite simple. In fact, if any networks are interested, I know a previous late-night host who is looking to toss his hat back in the ring.”
Leno has had a handful of disasters since leaving late night TV, (not including his primetime show). He suffered burns and broken bones in two separate accidents in 2022 and 2023. More recently, Leno appeared in public with a bruised face after falling down a 60-foot hill. Having now survived multiple freak accidents, Leno appears to have some sort of chip on his shoulder.
“I am going to save late night TV,” Leno said, unaware of a runaway auto-transporter truck, fast approaching. “I am seventy-five, but I know I can drag us into the golden age of late-night TV. I am not going anywhere. Just look at me. I am untouchable. I am invincible.”
Leno’s words echoed as the approaching auto-transporter jackknifed and began to tumble down the road. The truck hop-skipped over Leno, who was quick to celebrate his apparent immortality.
“See? I am not going anywhere,” Leno said, as a nearby explosion sent parts of the truck back in his direction, cutting him in half. Leno’s top half gave a thumbs up before eight Mercedes vehicles that were shaken free from the auto-transporter mowed him down in a magical moment.
At press time Leno was reduced to a paste and reportedly Tony Todd was smiling down on us.
The bush I hid in for this story was a Dwarf Burning Bush.
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