BOX OFFICE REPORT: I’m Starting to Think This Glen Powell Guy Really Stinks
The numbers just don’t add up, Glen.
From a bush outside of my local movie theater, I can now confirm that professional box office hobbyists across the nation are falling out of love with Glen Powell and his efforts to save cinema. Checking the box office bros social feeds after this weekend’s box office haul, the professionals were having a field day, at Powell’s expense.
“Running Man? more like Run Away from this Man,” @BoxOfficeBoyee wrote on Twitter, attaching a GIF of Forrest Gump running to help sell the joke. “How to Make a Killing? More like, How to Not Make a Profit.”
Other professional box office hobbyists pondered Powell’s future as an actor.
“It’s not enough to be dripping with charisma and be a good actor anymore, you need big box office,” @BoxOfficeOrDie wrote before sending another Tweet asking about the best feet in Hollywood. “Powell just doesn’t have it. Sure, he’s a talented actor, but this is a business. If you’re not bringing in the dough you have no place in Hollywood. How to Make a Killing is going to be fighting and clawing to make its $40-million budget back. It’ll be lucky to even get back half of that. This Powell guy is a real stinker. And before you ask, no I didn’t see it. I was too busy watching the box office numbers all weekend.”
The Powell superfans were quick to jump to the star’s defense.
“Leave Glen alone. He’s a national treasure,” @GlenPowell365 wrote in multiple QTs of negative comments about Glen Powell, which got more eyeballs on those original posts than they initially would have gotten. “He is a generational talent who oozes charisma…wait he had a new movie open this weekend? Nobody told us that it was this weekend. What the hell A24??!!!!!”
At press time How to Make a Killing premiered on Netflix and broke all the previous streaming records and was followed by articles with titles such as “2026’s First Cinematic Sleeper Hit Just Dropped on Netflix”. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Box Shrub.
