10 Things You Need to Know Before Watching ‘Widow’s Bay’
These tips will help you get the most out of your viewing and make you stand out.
Widow’s Bay is taking the terminally online by storm. Every corner of the internet is talking about the smash hit Apple TV show. Hurry, you need to watch the show and glom on, or else you will be left behind, and you don’t want to be left behind. But wait, you can’t just jump in, you need a good bit of knowledge to really get the most out of the show. If you read this list and then watch the show, you will not only be a part of the conversation, you will be the conversation. So, hurry, read on, so you can go bathe in Widow’s Bay and all its glory. Here are 10 things you need to know before watching Widow’s Bay and changing your life forever.
10. You Have to Turn on the TV
This mystery box is your first obstacle. First there were dials, then there were buttons, now there are sticks. Locate the knob/button/stick and flip it to “on.” It’s as easy as that. Well actually, no, now you need to locate the remote. No, not that remote, that one controls the sound bar. No, not that one, that one controls the TV. No, we need the remote that controls the stick. That’s the one. Now if you’re lucky it will have an “Apple TV+” button (the app is now simply Apple TV, but this button should still work). Oh, there’s no button? Okay, we’ll just have to do it the old fashion way. Go ahead and locate the Apple TV app. Found it? Good. Click it and sign in. Wait, you don’t have an account?
9. Mom’s Apple TV Login Information
Okay, so you’re broke and can’t create an account. You’ve also already used your free 7-day trial to watch Ted Lasso season 3. Gross. Okay, we can find a fix here. Oh, I know, call your mom. She has an Apple TV so she can watch Slow Horses. Go ahead and give her a call. I’m sure it will be super quick…
One Hour Later…
Oh wow. I didn’t think she was going to trauma dump on you for an hour. I’m sorry she didn’t even ask you once how you were doing. That’s messed up. I’m also sorry that your mom’s password is just your sister’s name and birthday. We can talk about that after we’re done here if you want.
8. Have your Second Screen Ready
You can’t watch TV in 2026 without a second screen. It’s up to you what you want on your second screen. Maybe a review podcast you can put on after each episode to validate how you felt about it. Maybe r/WidowsBay on Reddit. Whatever it is, you need to make sure it's distracting and that it forces you to rewind episodes multiple times because you missed a key part of dialogue. If it’s a really good distraction, you won’t remember the episode at all and will be forced to rewatch it!
7. Sacrifice a Goat
I do not make the rules. Show creator, Katie Dippold, requires all viewers to sacrifice a goat before viewing the pilot episode of Widow’s Bay. Sacrifices are not transferable. Please do not share your sacrificed goats with others. Members of a family watching the show together must each sacrifice their own goat. Those who fail to make the proper sacrifice are barred from watching Widow’s Bay and are instead tortured with viewings of Ted Lasso (season 3).
6. Count your Teeth
Not fully necessary but do this one anyway. Some viewers report missing teeth after watching the first four episodes, but we can’t really trust their stories, due to the fact that they did not complete a proper count beforehand. Viewers who complete a teeth count prior to viewing (and who get it notarized) will be refunded any teeth that might go missing during the viewing.
5. PLEASE LIKE ME
I’m sorry this isn’t a joke. I know you like to laugh and I’m trying really hard, but please don’t be mad at me. I really need you to like me. Please like me. Please? I’ll make any joke you want. Just like me. If you don’t like me, what is the point?
4. Don’t ask questions
For your safety, I highly recommend that you don’t ask questions. Not only about Widow’s Bay but just in general. There are dire consequences and honestly, it’s just a big waste of time. The time would be better spent watching Widow’s Bay. (Note: Just to be safe, continue to refrain from questions even after watching the show.)
3. STOP MAKING ME WORK SO HARD FOR YOUR APPROVAL
I must be one big joke to you. You realize I am a person (as I assume you are too). I have feelings. And you are hurting them. I offered to talk to you about your mom not using your name as her password. I think I’m starting to understand why she favors your sister.
2. Close your Eyes
And keep them closed. Your first view of every episode must be through your eyelids. Don’t fall asleep though. DO NOT FALL ASLEEP. If you fall asleep, you will have to restart the episode with your eyelids still closed. You can only feast your eyes on each episode, once you’ve proven you are a disciplined viewer. Also, don’t try to peek. Apple and Dippold are keeping a list of those who peek. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE ON IT.
1. Do Not Trust Anything You Read (Including this List)
If you made it this far, I fear it may be too late for you, but regardless, I still want to warn you. Ignore all the lists. You don’t need chores before the show. You’ve got a lot going on already, especially that whole mom and sister thing. I really want you to like me and to make you laugh. The only thing I want more than that though is to save you from long pointless lists that only serve the SEO overlords and myself as an egotistical writer. Get out of here. Go watch Widow’s Bay. And when you’re done call your mom and squash the beef.
