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From a bush in Hollywood, I can now confirm that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has not only tapped Conan O’Brien for a third hosting stint of the Oscars, but they have also locked him away in the Dolby Theatre, in an attempt to preserve the late-night TV legend between hosting gigs. President of the Academy, Lynette Howell Taylor, spoke earlier this week on working with O’Brien for the third consecutive year.

“Conan is a great person and an even better awards show host,” Taylor said before throwing darts at a picture of James Franco and Anne Hathaway on her office wall. “When you find a good host, you hold onto them for as long as you can. That’s why we want to keep Conan in tip-top shape. We’ve booked him to host up to the 2045 ceremony, or his death, whichever comes first.”

Taylor then went into detail about O’Brien’s living arrangements over the next year.

“He will stay locked in a chest in the theatre's attic,” Taylor said as she guided members of the press up to the attic. “We’ll obviously let him out to feed him and go for walks, otherwise he will be in the chest, waiting for the big night.

We caught up with O’Brien who was excited about another opportunity to host.

“It’s just great that people like the work my team and I put into hosting. The Academy has done a great job of making me feel loved,” O’Brien said from the old wooden chest which he calls home for sixteen hours a day. “I had to record a year’s worth of podcasts in a week to be able to make this deal work, but it was totally worth it. Hey while I got you here, do you think you could cut a hole in the box? It’s pretty dark in here.

At press time, O’Brien was out for his daily walk. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Coco Bush.


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Nick Coffman

Nick Coffman is a co-founder and editor at The Hollywood Time$. He is also a contributor to Hard Drive Magazine. If he’s not trying and failing to clear his Steam backlog, then he’s probably writing something that will receive 2-3 angry comments.

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Conan O’Brien Locked Away in Dolby Theatre Until Next Oscars Ceremony