‘The Odyssey’ Spurs Global Historians to Debate What the Cyclops Was Really Like
Eye on the prize.
From a bush outside of The British Museum, I can confirm that the imminent release of Christopher Nolan’s film, The Odyssey, based on Homer’s epic poem of the same name, has the world’s leading historians locked in fierce debate over what the cyclops was actually like.
In the lead up to release, the film has attracted criticism from historians over its depiction of the famous one-eyed beast.
“We understand that a Hollywood movie has to take some liberties but to make a film set in ancient Greece and portray the cyclops this way is beyond inept. Do a little research,” stated Mark Mitchell, a professor of ancient Greece history at Harvard. “I mean Christopher Nolan always brags about how meticulous he is at making sure every detail is right. He of all people should know better than to make a film with something as historically inaccurate as a cyclops with a vertical eye. Everyone knows the cyclops had a horizontal eye. I just can’t take the film seriously. It’s going to suck.”
While many agree with Mitchell’s assessment of the film, there are many in the history community who feel like there is some merit to Nolan’s depiction of the creature.
“While most of what we know of ancient Greece does suggest that the cyclops had a horizontal eye, there is plenty of evidence that it could have had a vertical eye,” said Ben Morgan, head professor of Cambridge’s history department. “The fact of the matter is that while the cyclops we know did indeed have a horizontal eye, recent findings have shown there were many different types of cyclops roaming around ancient Greece. Not only is it possible there were vertical-eyed cyclops, it’s quite likely. Ancient Greece had such a wide variety of landscapes and biomes, there’s no way a horizontal-eyed cyclops could survive in some of the places we know that cyclops resided in. Hades for example would have been a nightmare for a horizontal-eyed cyclops but with a vertical eye, they would have been able to thrive.”
Nolan himself weighed in on the controversy.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Who gives a shit? It’s a movie,” Nolan said before pausing to stuff a film buff into a locker. “People go to the movies to be entertained, not to be given a history lecture. If you want to see a historically accurate cyclops, then go watch a David Attenborough program. I made the cyclops the way I did because it looked the coolest on screen. I make movies that have cool shit, I don’t try to appeal to virgin nerds.”
At press time, Christopher Nolan was spotted with Ridley Scott giving wedgies and swirlies to a group of historians. The bush I hid for this scoop in was a Thyme Bush.
