Regular Popcorn Bucket Gets Tie-in Movie
Popping into a theater near you.
From a bush outside Sony Pictures’ headquarters in Culver City, I can confirm that theaters across the country will soon be screening a tie-in movie to promote the regular popcorn buckets that they already sell.
“For the past few years, we’ve all been going to the movies for one simple reason: to buy expensive receptacles for our popcorn and then spend a little while learning the story about the whimsical character the newest bucket portrays,” explained executive producer Avi Arad. “But if every popcorn bucket has a story, then what story is there in the original? The classic? The ur-bucket if you will? We have reason to believe that once we’ve adapted the original popcorn bucket, we will unlock the very quintessence of film itself!”
Those involved in the production were already eager to share as many details about the movie’s plot as possible.
“Popcorn Bucket: The Movie takes place in the 1950s, in a magical movie theater where everything in the concession stand comes to life at night!” said director E. Elias Merhige. “Our hero is Bucket, played by Timothee Chalamet. This humble cylinder wants nothing more than to be the one everyone eats the theater’s delicious, reasonably priced popcorn out of. But our villains, a pair of rival containers named Bag and Box, won’t let him! They rule the theater with an iron fist, hogging all the popcorn for themselves and bullying our hero because his opening is too round. But with the support of his loving girlfriend Candy, and a rapping extra-large Pepsi, the lovable pail will do what it takes to cross his dreams off his bucket list. It’s cute and family-friendly for the kids, but we want adults to like it too, so the whole thing will be live action. It’s a movie for everybody. A real peanut flick.”
Initial reaction to the announcement has been almost universally positive, though a few critics have expressed skepticism.
“The movie will be great, I don’t doubt that for a second,” said regular /r/PopcornBuckets user Wilbur Bluenhaydner. “I’m just not sure how it’ll do in the box office. Do they really expect everyone to go to the theater and just … eat popcorn out of the regular bucket? What is this, the Middle Ages? I respect the artistic vision, but couldn’t they release a special collector’s bucket that looks exactly like the regular kind, and sell it for 50 dollars? That’s just basic business sense.”
At press time, Sony had already greenlit a spin-off film for the popcorn itself, which will not talk until Popcorn Bucket’s post-credits scene. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an African Senna Bush.
