‘CHVRCHES’ Singer Urges Fans to Burn Merchandise After Discovering Typo in Band’s Name
Use spell check, folks.
From a bush outside of Glasgow, I can now confirm that Scottish synth-pop band, CHVRCHES’ lead singer, Lauren Mayberry, is asking fans to destroy any band merchandise purchased in the last fifteen years, after discovering a typo in the band’s name. Mayberry made the request in a video uploaded to the band’s YouTube page, earlier this week.
“I was ironing one of my band t-shirts this week, when I saw the ‘V’ on the shirt,” Mayberry said, surrounded by old CHVRCHES merchandise. “I thought it was just a single mistake, but then I went through my t-shirts, CDs, albums, posters, coasters, koozies, keychains, umbrellas, backpacks, and trapper keepers, and realized that we have been spelling the band’s name wrong the entire time.
Mayberry then revealed a brand new t-shirt with the proper spelling of the band and begged fans to start discarding the old merchandise.
“We’re so sorry for the mistake. You could correct your ‘CHVRCHES’ merch by scratching out the V and adding a U, but let’s be honest, it’s just easier to discard the old stuff and buy new stuff,” Mayberry said before taking an axe to all the CHVRCES merchandise around her. “I’m just so embarrassed we missed the typo. I’m even more embarrassed we’re just now noticing.”
Not all are happy about the band name correction. The President of the CHVRCHES Unofficial Fan Club, Doug Brand, is none too pleased with Mayberry and her bandmates.
“We’ve been making unofficial fan club merch this entire time, and it’s been a typo? I thought they were just being cute with SEO,” Brand said in the monthly fan club vlog. “Lauren, please reconsider and embrace the misspelling. Own your mistakes and just go by CHVRCHES. I can’t afford to buy anymore band merch, and I’m not disciplined enough not to buy it. Please save me from myself.”
At press time, Paul McCartney had to be talked off his roof by local police, after he discovered the proper spelling of beetle. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an INXS BVSH.
