Packs of Children are Dismembering the Elderly in Alarming Internet Challenge
The ‘Naruto Run Death Challenge’ is sweeping the nation.
Editor’s Note: This scoop originally appeared on The Hollywood Time$ Substack on August 18, 2025
From an undisclosed bush in the suburbs, I can now confirm that as part of a new challenge called the ‘Naruto Run Death Challenge’, wild packs of children are tearing the elderly apart from limb to limb. It’s the latest internet trend that all the kids are trying and all the older generations are stirring about. I got the lowdown on this new trend from Sammy Wilts, a concerned mom and President of a local concerned mom group.
“These kids are running wild. This used to be such a nice neighborhood, until that internet challenge started,” Wilts said as she looked around her yard nervously. “I haven’t personally seen an elderly member of our community torn apart by these young savages, but it’s happening, and we need to do something to put a stop to it.”
The trend stems from the major motion picture, Weapons, which Wilts admits she has not seen and does not plan to see any time soon.
“Who has time for movies? We are all too busy keeping our kids safe from the evil agenda of liberal Hollywood,” Wilts said before admitting she first heard about the ‘Naruto Run Death Trend’ on her local morning news. “My kids will not be seeing that evil movie. A lot of people don’t realize how susceptible kids are. They don’t even need to see the movie to be influenced by it. All it takes is one exposed kid and then BAM! The whole block is exposed. That’s why my little Timmy will be quarantined from his friends until the movie is out of the zeitgeist.”
Around this time, Wilts spotted her son, Timmy Wilts, spying on the interview from the screen door of her home. She waved him over to ensure he had not been contaminated from our discussion.
“Mommy, what’s dismemberment,” asked the 8-year-old Wilts, before cocking his arms back and running around the yard in circles. I watched in horror as Timmy chased his mother down the street. He was eventually joined by other neighborhood children as the pursuit continued.
At press time, unsure about the age cutoff for this deadly new challenge, I locked myself in my Subaru Outback and laid down flat in the backseat.
The bush I hid in for this story was a Blue Arrow Juniper.
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