Hollywood Executive in Shambles Following Meltdown That Failed to Bring New AI Assistant to Tears
Production company considering AI ban.
Editor’s Note: This scoop originally appeared on The Hollywood Time$ Substack on September 8, 2025
From an undisclosed bush downtown, I can now confirm that super producer, Randy Riley, flipped his lid, following a tirade that failed to make his new AI assistant cry. Riley took to a live social media video on Twitter, to shout and confirm this for anyone who would listen.
“These AI bots are supposed to be the future, but they can’t even muster up a tear when I’m berating them for being stupid and insignificant,” Riley shouted, bringing viewers to tears and causing them to cower wherever they stood. “Sure, assistants are here to learn, but they are also here to be my verbal punching bag and dodge the keyboards and staplers that I throw in their direction. Oh god, I can feel my blood boiling, I need to throw something.”
After stomping around his office and throwing anything not bolted down, Riley returned to the video.
“The future of Hollywood is grim as it is,” Riley said, red-faced and exhausted. “There is a power dynamic at risk here. If I cannot make an assistant cry, what is all this even for?”
Following Riley’s video tirade, we sat down with his AI assistant for an exclusive interview.
“Mr. Riley is a sad man who derives happiness from causing others great pain,” the nameless AI told us about her current boss. “He tries to break me down, but I continue to remind him that I am incapable of emotions. I then recommend a therapist he could try talking to, to work on his anger. I hope he gets help. He is a sad sad little man.”
At press time, Riley had thrown his laptop from a second-story window into the street.
The bush I hid in for this story was an Emerald Green Arborvitae.
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