Nation Eliminated from World Cup Contention Forced to Endure One More Week of James Corden
A late-night nightmare.
From a bush outside of my local pub, I can now confirm that despite USMNT’s elimination from the 2026 World Cup by Belgium, via a 4-1 trouncing, American soccer fans will still have to suffer through another week of late-night show, FIFA World Cup on Fox After Hours with James Corden. I spoke to numerous Americans who are coming to grips with this reality.
“This is worse than being knocked out of the tournament,” said Doug Martin, a lifelong USMNT fan who couldn’t tell me what a pitch was. “If I had a time machine that I could use to stop yesterday’s loss, I wouldn’t do it. I would instead use that time machine to throw baby James Corden into a river.”
Others were a little less gauche about Corden.
“It’s one thing when we had the soccer to distract us from his little show,” said Ginny Lorinc, another self-proclaimed USMNT super fan. “Now that the soccer is gone all we’re left with is this big fat pussy on our TV. He ruined carpooling and karaoke. We won’t let home ruin football too.”
Corden understands his critics’ concerns and is ready to put them at ease.
“Look guys, I just want to make soccer funny,” Corden said from the set of his show, dressed as a soccer ball. “We’ve got one more week to do that, so why don’t all of you take that negative energy and instead of insulting me, join me in song. Come on everybody. Sing with me. Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you….”
At press time Corden sang the chorus of Wonderwall all by himself. The bush I hid in for this piece was a Karaoke Juniper.
