Hot Off ‘Michael’ Lionsgate Greenlights ‘Jimmy’
Fun for the whole family.
From a bush outside of Lionsgate HQ in Santa Monica, I can now confirm that the studio has greenlit a Jimmy Savile biopic simply titled, Jimmy. Graham King will produce and is excited to take a stab at another beloved personality.
“Everybody loves Jimmy Savile,” King said while lying in a bed of money made off the back of a hardworking pop star pedophile. “Sure, he did some slimy things, but you’re not going to the movies to have all the awful stuff regurgitated. You’re going to the movies to feel good. You know who was an expert at feeling good? Jimmy. That guy knew how to have a good time.”
Speaking on behalf of what’s left of Savile’s estate, Tom Leech thinks a Savile biopic will work, if done right.
“I don’t want to hear nothing about the victims,” Leech said while lying in a bed of money made off the back of a disk jockey pedophile. “I guess if we have to bring the victims up, we could villainize them and make it look like they were out to get poor ole Jim. Cause the truth of the matter is, that’s what happened. Poor Jimmy was taken advantage of by his victims. Not the studios and companies above him. When have corporations and entertainment companies ever wronged anybody? I can’t think of a single time.”
The movie going public celebrated the announcement on social media.
“If you don’t like Jimmy Savile, that’s a you problem,” wrote Twitter user @JimmySisMyHero.
“Yes, maybe he did some diddling, but he also did a lot of other great stuff for people,” wrote Twitter user @PedoSimp.
“If Jimmy Savile is so bad, why did they make all those characters in the new 28 Years Later movies look like him,” wrote Twitter user @Ilovekids, who later admitted he had not yet seen the new 28 Years Later films.
At press time, Liam Neeson was cast to play the titular role in Jimmy. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Touchy Shrub.
