Hollywood Execs Lament Lack of Female YouTubers Available to Direct Films
Another boys’ club.
From a bush on Sunset Boulevard, I can confirm that in the wake of horror hits Obsession and The Backrooms, Hollywood executives are despondent over the complete lack of female YouTubers that they could get to direct a film.
“It would do so much for representation, and everyone knows that’s something we care deeply about but there just aren’t any female YouTubers out there,” said Disney CEO Josh D'Amaro while wiping away tears. “It’s clear that getting Youtubers to helm super cheap projects is the way forward for this industry but unfortunately for women who hope to see more female voices, we just can’t find a single female YouTuber to direct a movie. We’ve looked everywhere.”
Daniel Katz, founder and CEO of A24, began putting up flyers around L.A. in the hopes of tracking down a single female YouTuber he could get to direct a film.
“I’m just out here doing my part. Not just for me, not just for Hollywood, but for all of womankind,” Katz exclaimed beaming with self-pride. “This has been the most unifying thing amongst us Hollywood executives since Top Gun: Maverick released. We’ve done everything we can to try finding a female YouTuber. We’ve searched YouTube for several minutes, we asked our sons who they watch and not a single one of us has produced any evidence that one even exists, but surely, they must. So hopefully one of the fine citizens of L.A. will see these flyers and be able to find this mythical creature and point us in its direction.”
Head of Prime Video and Amazon MGM Studios, Mike Hopkins, believes that even were they to find a female YouTuber, the odds she could direct a movie are low.
“Well first of all, if there was such a thing as a female YouTuber, we would have found her by now.” Hopkins said after greenlighting another BOSCH spinoff. “We run Hollywood which means we’re really smart and powerful. We know what we’re doing, and we are great at our jobs. So clearly, there simply aren't any. But even if there were, she probably wouldn’t be able to direct a film. To direct a film, especially in this day and age, you need certain qualities. You need to have a built in successful following, you need to be straight, you need to be male, and you need to at least appear Caucasian.”
At press time, Hollywood executives were elated to have finally discovered a female YouTuber named Colleen Ballinger, whom they have given free rein to direct whatever film she wants. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Lily of the Valley Shrub.
