EXCLUSIVE: Paramount Greenlights Film Adaptation ‘Jake From State Farm’
The start of a new cinematic universe.
From a bush outside of Paramount Studios, I can now confirm that Paramount is moving forward with a new film that will explore the origins of the State Farm character, Jake from State Farm. New Paramount owner, and daddy’s special little boy, David Ellison confirmed the new project in a press conference earlier today.
“What we have here is an epic story about a man who would do anything for his neighbors,” Ellison said, before pausing the conference to call his dad and ask for more money. “I can’t personally relate to that kind of character, but I’m told the poors love that shit. It’ll have everything the basement tax bracket people love. Guys in khakis, jingles, and home and auto insurance.”
Ellison paused to make a threatening call to WB shareholders before going into further details about the State Farm inspired film.
“We’ve got the Duffer brothers writing and directing this one,” Ellison said before confirming that he has seen and loved their previous project ‘Strange Thing.’ “The brothers have done okay with semi-original work, so I think they’ll thrive working on something completely unoriginal.”
Ellison went on to confirm the movie will explore Jake’s early days at State Farm and the origins of his legendary khakis. What he did not disclose is who would be playing Jake.
“Who plays him in the ads,” Ellison asked Siri in the middle of the press conference. “Oh, Kevin Miles. I love his work as Jake. He’s really brought life to the character, but let’s be real, ad actors aren’t real actors. Actually, let me rephrase that. Real actors can do ads. Ad actors cannot be real actors. Oooo. We can get that Strange Thing kid to play Jake. He gives me Jake vibes.”
We caught up with Kevin Miles on the set of a State Farm ad to ask how he felt about the upcoming movie.
“I think it’s really awesome,” Miles said, with a State Farm rep standing behind him, pointing a loaded gun at his head. “I’d love to play Jake in the movie but understand that Paramount and State Farm know what’s best for the franchise and will make the best choice possible.”
At press time Universal had picked up competing project FLO. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an Ad Bush.
