Aging Naruto Fan Doubles Down on Lifestyle Choices Following Adaptation Announcement
Naruto Fans Totally Not Embarrassing Themselves Ahead of Live Action Movie
From a bush somewhere in Austin, I can now confirm that upon hearing the news about the live action Naruto film adaptation in development, local millennial and lifetime otaku, Patrick Stein, went up to his attic last week to dust off some of his anime memorabilia ahead of attending an upcoming anime festival.
“It’s a dream come true for any Japanimation connoisseur," Stein said longingly while opening his Uchiha fan, “Back then, Hollywood adaptations were considered a death sentence. We all remember Dragonball Evolution, right? But now we got a proven MCU director tackling one of the defining shonen adventures of all time, there’s no way they’d fuck it up. No way. I haven’t been to an anime convention in 15 years; I’m so hyped to get back into the lifestyle!”
Younger generations aren’t as convinced this will be the smash hit older fans are making it out to be, and they are making their feelings known across the internet.
“I don’t like being negative on this channel, but I don’t really see the point in making a movie about Boruto’s dad,” VTuber Nya Goragora declared on their latest YouTube stream while discussing the news. “Movie’s gonna lock in for the first half hour and have the coolest ninja shit, and then it’s a straight hour of filler, just like the show. If it had been made before I was born, maybe I’d be losing my shit over a Netflix live action show. But getting to it just now? Just because there's a live action Naruto movie coming doesn't mean your Konoha headband is cool again, sorry. That movie is cooked, deadass. It’s gonna be cringe.”
Older anime fans are used to the newer generations dismissing what they consider foundational works, but Naruto seems to strike a particularly painful chord.
“What do these kids know about cringe,” Patrick replied to Nya’s comments during our interview as he scratched across his Konoha headband with the kunai he got 20 years ago from a ninja-theme kiosk at the mall. “They’re all about the 6-7, skibidi toilet brainrot, they wouldn’t know real art if it stared into their dopamine burnt-out souls. Back in my day there was no Crunchyroll, you had to be lucky to get a hold of a pirated DVD with like five episodes. And you better pray it was the fansub copy or you were gonna be learning some Japanese, goddamnit,” He continued as he lifted the headband up to his forehead, “this was an emblem of coolness when I was in high school, those in the know would approach you cause they knew you were in the dope kids club. Sure, we’d just hang them on our backpacks instead of wearing them on our heads or we’d get bullied for the whole year, but that just meant it was even more special. Not everyone had the guts to commit to the bit and sing Asian Kung-Fu Generation lyrics out loud and face the haters. We were as oppressed as gamers are today. I mean, dude, if Bleach can crawl out of its grave and not be embarrassing, a Naruto movie is gonna crush the box office.”
At press time, Patrick’s mom was frantically expanding the middle section of his Akatsuki cloak for the cosplay competition. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Nine-Tails Bush.
Naruto Fans Totally Not Embarrassing Themselves Ahead of Live Action Movie