Zach Cregger Eaten Alive by Horde of Angry ‘Resident Evil’ Fans
Itchy tasty.
From a bush somewhere in Raccoon City, I can now confirm that upon the release of his film adaptation of the popular video game series Resident Evil, writer-director Zach Cregger, was devoured by a mob of angry fans. We caught up with Cregger, mid-devouring, just to see why fans were so mad.
“I don’t know what their problem is. Ahhh. You cretins. Have you not seen the Rotten Tomatoes score? It’s certified fresh. FRESH DAMN IT,” Cregger screamed with his dying breath, before reanimating five minutes later as a ravenous Resident Evil fan. “Leon. Leon. Leon. Leeeeeeooooooonnnnnnnn.”
Paul W. S. Anderson, former writer and director of the previous Resident Evil film series, is no stranger to fans attempting to eat him.
“You’ve got to watch out for those hordes. They’ll sneak up on you. Of course, I was lucky to make most of the films in the series before hordes were able to mobilize on the internet,” Anderson said in a TikTok video. “Of course, there are ways to keep the horde at bay. You’ve got to drip feed them the bullshit they like. It’s why I was able to get away with doing six “just okay” movies. I sprinkled in the Jills and Weskers and what have yous. Sure, the fans may hate you for making horrible movies but give it enough time and they start looking at them fondly. Total rookie move for Zach to ignore all the fan demands and just make a good movie. He will be missed, but ultimately his hubris is what did him in.”
Resident Evil superfan [the games not the movies, he asked me to specify in print], Tom Waites, thinks Hollywood is being a bit dramatic about fan criticism.
“Criticism is not hate. Just because I speak out about an aspect of an adaptation that I did not like does not mean I hate the film as a whole,” Waites said in a video on YouTube, surrounded by Resident Evil posters and action figures. “That being said, I don’t give a damn what your Rotten Tomatoes score is. If Leon is not in this film, I will be very upset.”
At press time, Cregger was spotted stumbling around Downtown LA, looking for Leon S. Kennedy. The bush I hid in for this scoop was an Itchy Juniper.
Itchy tasty.