Skydance Remaking ‘Flyboys’
Look to the Sky
From a bush outside of Skydance HQ, I can confirm that the newly merged mega studio has announced a remake to the 2006 World War I film, Flyboys. The remake will be the first film produced under the new Skydance banner, and it has the company’s CEO, David Ellison, excited for the future.
“Finally, we can move past all this merger crap and start giving the people what they want, the movies,” Ellison said during a press conference, before confirming the entire cast of the original will be returning for the remake. “I’m swapping roles with Franco this time around. I just don’t think he has the “it” factor anymore, but I want to include him because if I don't hire him, no one else will. Not because he’s canceled, but because we’re pretty much the only shop in town now.”
Ellison also confirmed the original would be getting a 4K release.
“It’s coming out on HBO Paramount+ next year, finally you can watch Flyboys the way it was meant to be watched, on an app that I own,” said Ellison. “I wanted to do a physical release, but those prudes at Criterion said no. They also turned down my many offers to appear on their Criterion Closet program. I don’t know if they know this, but “no” is not in daddy’s vocabulary. We’ll see who’s saying no when the checkbook comes out.”
Ben Shaprio, who’s writing and directing the remake, thinks Hollywood is finally turning the page on a dark decade.
“Woke is finally defeated,” Shapiro said on his livestream to five viewers. “No more Captain Marvel or Lady Ghostbusters or Black Panther. We’re giving the people what they want, Flyboys. Just dudes being dudes. Flying planes. Hanging out. Drinking alcoholic beverages. Barely a woman or minority in the script. We’ve finally reached the golden age of film!”
At press time, a Skydance representative cornered a Criterion executive and made an aggressive offer to buy the company. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a PWB Shrub.
One Hell of a Team