Opinion: Auditions for the ‘Baldur's Gate 3’ Adaptation’s Karlach Should Include the Actor’s Ability to Bridal Carry Me
Don’t mess this up, HBO.
With the recent announcement that Baldur’s Gate 3 is getting a sequel television series on HBO, fans have understandably expressed opinions and concerns over casting.
An important character to Baldur’s Gate is the tiefling barbarian, Karlach. She was betrayed by her employer, sold into the army of the Archdevil Zariel, and bound to the fiery hell of Avernus. Despite all of that, Karlach is fun, energetic, and has a proverbial heart of gold, but while she has great inner strength, I’d argue her physical strength is just as important.
Physicality in general is paramount. I don’t expect the casting directors to necessarily find someone who is somewhere between 6’4” and 7’ tall but–okay, actually yeah, that would be good. Arms that could lift a heavy great sword, snap an enemy in two, or effortlessly pick me up and pin me to the wall so she can make out me are a must as well.
You see, the importance of Karlach as a character lies in that balance between being a fierce warrior from Hell and being a caring friend who you can cuddle with on cold nights because she’s practically a space heater - something that the body pillow of her I found online can only sort of emulate.
While we don’t know if Tav (the default name for BG3’s player character) will be in the series, auditions for Karlach should probably focus on the complex interactions between the two. In fact, I would happily volunteer to read lines with any prospective actresses up for the role or test their strength by having them carry me around the studio.
In full makeup and costume naturally, you know, to get her accustomed to the weight of the armor, the horns, and the way that tail sways ever so cutely. Those rippling red biceps, the glowing chest, the fiery eyes, and kissable lips whispering “good girl” in my ear.
Kate Danvers was unavailable to finish this piece as she was busy starting another playthrough of Baldur’s Gate 3 “for research purposes”.
