Oh Che
From a bush somewhere in New York, I can now confirm that Saturday Night Live cast member and Weekend Update co-anchor, Michael Che was spotted in Lattanzi Cucina Italiana, having dinner with right-wing widow, Erika Kirk, following Saturday's show.
“I’m gonna level with you guys, I know that’s not Erika,” Che said to a group of reporters, after Druski excused himself to the lady’s room. “I’m just going through a bit of a dry spell with white women at the moment. All the chlamydia jokes, WNBA bits, and ragging on Scarlett Johansen have really caught up to me. Drew [Druski] agreed to this date to help me build my confidence back up. I’ll be back to my old self in no time.”
Che was quick to shoot down questions about whiteface and the moral issues around using a mourning widow to “get his groove back.”
“Look, I’m only thinking about one hole and it ain’t the one in Charlie Kirk’s neck,” Che said. “If the real Erika Kirk has an issue with me dating someone dressed like her, she can call me and ask for an Italian dinner herself. And on the issue of whiteface, it’s okay to be mad about whiteface, but I know a bunch of you have a White Chicks DVD sitting at home somewhere, so kindly, shut the fuck up.”
Erika Kirk was not too happy to discover Che’s date with her double.
“Besmirching me is besmirching my late husband, his legacy, and his hot sauce,” Kirk said to reporters before offering them hot sauce for $9.99 a bottle. “I will not sit by while Druski steals my identity and eats dinner…wait, where did he take him? Lattanzi Cucina Italiana? I love Italian. He said I should just call him? Did you get his number by chance?”
At press time, JD Vance tried calling Kirk multiple times but was sent directly to voicemail with each attempted call. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Druberry Bush.
Oh Che