Knicks Fan Could Get Used to Assaulting Opposing Fans in this Weather
A nice day for a beating.
From a bush outside of Madison Square Garden, I can now confirm that one Knicks superfan, Frank Dillinger, is getting the full experience of June basketball and could really get used to beating up opposing fans in this nice weather. I caught up with Dillinger outside of the hotel the Spurs were staying at, to discuss his new outlook.
“I usually don’t get to put hands on a degenerate fan of some other organization in beautiful weather like this,” Dillinger said before throwing eggs at Spurs’ Center, Victor Wembanyama, as he headed into the hotel. “This is amazing. I’m usually just doing all this to stay warm after a basketball game. Now I’m doing it for the love of the game. We should play June basketball more often.”
Dillinger’s affection for assaulting opposing fans during a late-playoff run has spread. Even Timothee Chalamet is getting into the fun.
“You have to understand, the last time a Knick’s fan could assault an opposing fan in June, I wasn’t even born yet,” Chalamet said before stabbing a Spurs fan who was minding their own business. “And who knows. This might be the last time we get to assault opposing fans in June for the next thirty years. So, I say to all the Knicks fans out there. Do some assault. Have fun but be safe.”
I caught up with a Spurs fan. Dylan Campos, hiding in a bush near Madison Square Garden.
“I’m just trying to get back to my hotel,” Campos said, appearing afraid for his life. “I tossed off all my gear, but some Knicks fans still chased me. They can smell my fandom or something. I swear they must be vampires or some other kind of monster. Can’t we just be a fan of one team and not get pummeled over it?”
At press time, Dillinger began planning his post-game assault for game 6. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Liberty Bush.
