Jonathan Majors, Zachary Levi, and James Woods Only Actors Left in Hollywood Not on Paramount Blacklist
Yay, another Hollywood list!
From a bush outside of the Paramount Pictures Lot, I can confirm that the only actors left in Hollywood not to be on the studio's immense blacklist are Jonathan Majors, Zachary Levi, and James Woods. The actors were seen leaving together after a meeting with David Ellison who confirmed the trio are to be the stalwarts of Paramount going forward.
“The fact of the matter is we don’t need anyone else and we don’t want anyone else. These three are all we need to be the most powerful studio in the world. One James Woods is worth a hundred Mark Ruffalos,” said Ellison while constantly taking rapid, deep inhales through his nose. “Our resources, combined with our library of IP and these guys' collective star power will help usher in a new golden age of Hollywood. One where our heroes can call the villains gay and women know their place.”
Levi, best known for not making money at the box office, is excited to steward the iconic studio’s next chapter.
“It’s such an honor to be at the forefront of a studio with such a rich history. Hollywood is in a pretty bad spot right now. You got movies like Sinners trying to push an agenda down audiences throats, people in the industry trying to stop a monopoly and worst of all, trying to say murdering brown children is wrong. People just want good movies that entertain. Movies like Harold and the Purple Crayon. We’re going to finally give people what they want. We’re already developing projects. The first one we’ll be working on is a non-woke version of One Battle After Another where me, Jonathan and James will work together to round up all those radicals and immigrants.”
President Trump, a friend of David Ellison, praised the studio in a post to Truth Social.
“HOLLYWOOD is full of WOKE RADICALS who are out of touch with the common people. They ABUSE their celebrity by trying to DESTROY this country and its allies by advocating for TERRORIST organizations like TRANSGENDER PEOPLE and A24. Once I approve Paramount’s purchase of Woker Brothers and they become the most POWERFUL studio in Hollywood they will finally MAKE HOLLYWOOD GREAT AGAIN and they will do it with true A-LISTERS JAMES WOODS, ZACKARY LEVI, AND JOHNNY MASTERDON. All the other PHONIES AND RADICALS in Hollywood will be out of work. Thank you for your attention to this matter. DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.”
At press time, Ben Shapiro was seen walking into David Ellison’s office holding a screenplay titled “American Sniper$.” The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Rubus Bush.
