David Zaslav Spotted Lurking Outside of Oscars Afterparty
David Ellison in tow.
From a bush outside of Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s Oscar Gold party, I can now confirm current Warner Bros. Discovery CEO, David Zaslav was spotted lurking outside after being denied access to the building. I caught up with Fred Quinne, the doorman who stopped Zaslav and his entourage at the door.
“What a weird little dude,” Quinne said before stopping to let in Megan Fox. “He said he wanted to come in and mingle with the artists even though no one thanked him during their acceptance speeches. He said an invitation into the party would be the perfect apology and completely make up for being snubbed all night. I told that leather looking mother fucker to take a hike. I think they’re lurking down the block harassing guests as they come by, to try and get in. No way in hell I’m letting those freaks in.”
Quinne’s intuition was correct. I caught up with a party guest who had been hassled by Zaslav and his entourage on their way to the party.
“They snuck up on me from the shadows,” said the guest who wished to remain anonymous for this piece. “They wanted me to let them in. When I said no they started throwing wads of cash at me and said, ‘Fine, we’ll just take you through hostile acquisition, then we’ll hostile acquire the whole party too.’ It was unnerving. I’m scared this party might be in danger.”
Following my journalistic gut in search of this scoop, I tracked down Zaslav and his entourage a block away from the party and asked them what their deal was.
“We’re just looking for a good time,” Zaslav said before eating a film canister labeled, ‘Batgirl.’ “We go in. Buy some movies. Buy a couple of studios. Shutter a few of them after the fact, after promising not to. Then when I'm done, I invite my friend, the other David, to come in and do the same. How about you little reporter man. Would you like to be acquired?”
At press time David Ellison arrived at the party and offered a bunch of his daddy’s money to the doorman to outright buy the party. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Nepo Juniper.
