Daring New Ad Features Fully-clothed Sydney Sweeney
Campbell’s canned the “Good Cans” direction of original ad.
From a bush somewhere in Downtown Los Angeles, I can now confirm that a daring new SpaghettiOs ad will feature rising ad-star, Sydney Sweeney, but this time, she’ll be wearing clothes. Campbell’s Company Head of Communications, Tony Westinghouse, shared details about the upcoming ad in a recent press conference.
“We originally wanted her to get her cans out, I mean come on, we are a can company after all,” Westinghouse said, expecting thunderous applause and laughter from members of the press, who instead remained silent. “I thought about it, had a quick fap in my office, and decided that we would go another direction. We don’t need sex to sell SpaghettiOs. Sure, we could get Sydney up in front of a camera and have her make her ‘Oh face’ for thirty seconds…shit that would have been really good.”
Westinghouse then disappeared to his office for undisclosed reasons, leaving the rest of the press conference in the hands of lowly intern Dougy Westinghouse.
“Well, uh, we just thought a clothed Sydney Sweeney would stand out in the current market,” said Dougy, who confirmed he got his current position on merit alone. “Ms. Sweeney and our ad director, Ti West, weren’t too happy about the change of direction for the ad, but everyone involved really liked the finished product. It took us longer than we would have liked. Ms. Sweeney instinctively kept taking off her shirt in the middle of takes. Really slowed things down, especially with Mr. Westinghouse having to run to his office in between each take.”
Sweeney is speaking out against the ad, denouncing Campbell’s and SpaghettiOs.
“It was the most unprofessional set I have ever been on,” Sweeney said in a recent interview in which the interviewer had to ask her to keep her shirt on multiple times. “I had to act with clothes on, and they made me say, ‘Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs.’ What kind of line is that? It’s not sexy and my political lean can’t be misconstrued by it. This has all been enough to make me swear off ads forever. I’m just doing movies and whatever bullshit Sam [Levinson] comes up with next.”
At press time, Sweeney posted a video on Instagram of her shooting cans of SpaghettiOs with an AR-15. The bush I hid in for this scoop was California Flannelbush.
Punch served.