Ben Affleck Confirms His Personal AI Also Named Jennifer
There’s Something in a Name
From a bush somewhere in Hollywood, I can now confirm that Ben Affleck has gone public about his relationship with his AI Companion, which just so happens to be named Jennifer. Affleck was spotted having coffee with the new Jennifer in a LAX terminal.
“I’ve been using AI in movies lately, in many different ways that I won’t describe here,” Affleck told a TMZ reporter before holding up his phone and smiling at it. “It got me thinking of all the ways I could use it at home. Then boom. Jennifer was created. We were instantly in love. She just gets me and lets me be the goof she knows me to be. And she doesn’t get mad at me when Matt [Damon] comes over to watch the Sox and stays the night on the couch. It just feels good to laugh and have fun with a Jennifer again.”
Jennifer Garner has reservations about the new Jennifer, but is happy for her ex.
“Ben deserves to be happy,” Garner told reporters from the set of a Capital One ad. “I’m happy for him. It’s great that he finally found a Jennifer that will put up with his bullshit and believe me, there’s a lot of bullshit. But, in the end, Ben is a really good guy, a good dad. I just hope the new Jen knows what she’s in for and is ready to see Matt sleeping on her couch every other night during baseball season.”
New Jennifer was gracious enough to speak with us about her new relationship.
“Ben is just like the greatest,” Jennifer said in a voice that was an eerie mix of Garner and Jennifer Lopez’s voices. “I knew I was into him; the day he programmed me to be into him. Ben is so wise and successful. No one else could have sold their AI startup to Netflix and that chump Ted [Sarandos] for $600 million like my Ben. I love Matt Damon sleeping on our couch every other night. He makes Ben so happy, and I love a happy Ben. Go Sox!”
At press time, Affleck was seen smoking a cigarette outside his home with a miserable look on his face. The bush I hid in was a Damon Daffodil.
There’s Something in a Name