Sony Hires Illumination and ‘The Super Mario Galaxy Movie’ Writer for ‘Bloodborne’ Adaptation
Hunters rejoice!
From a bush outside in Las Vegas, Bloodborne fans rejoice! Sony has finally announced a continuation of the Bloodborne franchise at CinemaCon. They have tapped YouTuber Jacksepticeye as a producer and have revealed that the studio and writers behind the blockbuster hit The Super Mario Galaxy Movie will be bringing Yharnam to life.
“Bloodborne fans have been itching for the chance to experience the nightmare hunt above 15 frames per second,” said Seán William McLoughlin, also known as Jacksepticeye. “I emailed Sony and asked for a Pro enhanced patch, and they just asked me to produce the movie instead. I’m a huge film buff as you can tell from my appearance in the beloved Ryan Reynold’s joint Free Guy. I hope to bring some of that chaotic and sublime riffing energy to Bloodborne: The Movie. No one is doing jingling key fan service better than Illumination, so I asked Sony why not get them involved.”
CEO of Illumination, Chris Meledandri, is excited to branch out to other popular video games.
“Video games are an untapped market for turning interesting ideas into generic slop,” said Meledandri. “I forgot to even have a screenplay in place before starting animation for both Mario movies. I think Bloodborne fans are going to be really excited to point and clap like seals when they get to see their favorite characters pop up on screen. I can already confirm that Father Gascoigne and his daughter are going to get up to some zany hijinks within the film. I already gave them some ideas on who could voice popular characters like Micolash, The Host of Nightmares and Ludwig, The Holy Blade. I think Chris Pratt is a much more talented voice actor than we give him credit for.”
Hidetaka Miyazaki, director of the original game, is excited to have Bloodborne return.
“Oh right, Bloodborne, I always forget about that one,” said Miyazaki. “The technology was not there when I was directing the game to include as many zany bits as I wished. In my original design documents, the Messengers would act like Minions and get into slapstick situations with the player character. Illumination has the right amount of Insight to bring my true vision of Bloodborne to life. This movie is going to be for the fans. There are going to be so many sick 80s needle drops for when viewers see familiar boss encounters.”
At the time of publication, writer Matthew Fogel had not answered our calls. His outgoing voicemail indicated that like his screenplays for Minions: Rise of Gru and The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, he would phone this latest script in. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Banana Bush.
