MLB Cancels Rest of Playoffs Citing Lack of Dodgers
Get the Brooms Out
From a bush in Downtown Los Angeles, I can now confirm that following the sweep of the Los Angeles Dodgers, the MLB has cancelled the remainder of the 2026 postseason. The decision came down to MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred, who had no problem shutting everything down.
“We’re done here folks,” Manfred said, donning a Hawaiian shirt while waiting on the tarmac for his private jet to be ready for boarding. “Such a good season for baseball. We had that awesome Homerun Derby showdown. Who could forget that? We also had the return of our Field of Dreams game. I love a good movie tie-in. And of course, my favorite, 162 Dodgers games. How can you not be romantic about baseball?”
Sportscaster Joe Davis was in tears when he heard the news.
“Thank God, I don’t have to go to fucking Milwaukee,” Davis said before blowing his nose into a Dodgers handkerchief. “To beat the champ, you have to knock them out, but since there’s no World Series, the Brewers technically didn’t knock the Dodgers out, so there’s still a chance for a three-peat!”
Brewers’ Manager Pat Murph, didn’t take too kindly to the World Series cancelation.
“The gamers won this week, but when the MLB takes its ball and goes home, there’s not much else you can do,” Murphy said solemnly outside of the Brewers’ clubhouse, before being doused in champagne. “But you know what, sweeping the Dodgers in the post season feels like winning a championship, so we’ll take that. How can you not be romantic about baseball?”
At press time, MLB officials had completely forgotten that the ALCS was still ongoing and rather than informing the teams of the cancellation, they hoped they would just hear about it through the news cycle. The bush I hid in for this scoop was a Who Shrub.
From Riches to Riches